I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
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