I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize