Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
