I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
