oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
