I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
