This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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