And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
