Don't make out with my wife yet
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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