OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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