New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
