I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
