he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
