I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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