How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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