You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The maid of honor just puked.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
