Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
