So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize