if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
