i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
