3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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