Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
