You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
