Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
where are you?
Hypothermia
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
