he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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