for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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