ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
