he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
