I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
