i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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