the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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