i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
