i may or may not be watching the land before time
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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