his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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