John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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