Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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