JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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