they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Thank you for not boning my boss.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize