It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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