Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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