Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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