i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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