hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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