belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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