What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
