i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
