both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
