I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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