I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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