just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize