he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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