Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he wants to bone in the snuggie
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
