This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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