i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
