On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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