i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
