I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
