I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
