I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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