Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
