Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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