she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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