we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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