Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
