i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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