i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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