I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
