It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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