Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
