If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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