Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
