Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize