im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
