11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
