Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
