Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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