I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize