I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
