I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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