I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize