I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
