I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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