Betty ford says i'm here all night
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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