You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
