Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
