I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
