he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
