i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
