You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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