she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
