i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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