i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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