Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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