I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
