Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
