loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
