I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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