i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
