He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
