Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
