I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
