That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
