I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
