Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
