did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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