I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
