"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
