are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize