is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
